i received a strange phone call last night. it was from one of my schoolmates from high school, a girl named utako. she was several years ahead of me, and older than the average senior, as she had been held back because of her lack of proficiency of english.

utako was, as a teenager, irrational, tempestuous, manic and fun—she could be at the driver’s seat on an impetuous drive to ojai, smoke a pack of cigarettes, eat an avocado and crochet a whole dress all at the same time, all in record time. she was a tiny slip of a thing, but looked like a ‘50s pin-up with all the curves, the big eyes, boufy hair. she was crazy—crazy fun, not crazy crazy—because her life was crazy—crazy crazy, not crazy fun. her father, still in japan, was up to his ears in debt, her cute little brother a gorgeous, rebellious drag queen who would later come to a tragic end. i think she was dating a 16 year old when she was 19, and she was betrothed to an older japanese guy who promised to settle all her father’s debts. eeek.

i heard from her sporadically throughout the years, but last night was the first time in maybe five years. she was surprised i was still where i am (frankly, I’m a little annoyed by that—not that she was surprised, but by the fact i’m still here), but very, very happy that i was. we didn’t talk about much--no real reason to catch up—and ours was always a relationship where she would talk (and talk), and i'd just listen (and not comprehend, sometimes). suddenly she said “i’m in the middle of a divorce.” i know she married an older man; i’m not sure it’s the same man who promised to settle the family debt, but this guy was well-off, and from what i understand, kind of famous in the japanese sports world. in our spotty recent history the only thing i remember saying about him is “i’m plotting to kill him. you work in a pharmacy, can you help?” uh. ok, i guess there are some…difficulties, but she’s been with him for seventeen years, had three kids with him. there has to be some kind of affection,right? she didn’t seem upset but then again, she was calling me at 3am, her time. i didn't know what to say to her. again, it didn't seem to matter; all she needed was an ear. it was only afterwards that i realized she was probably lonely, and her lack of freaking out was just a sign she was really freaking out. i hope that in some way i helped.

well, at least this time she wasn’t asking me to help kill him.